Bloom

bloom

I’ve had this photograph for 2 years now.  It’s one of my favorites.  It was taken in March, when I was waiting for winter to thaw and spring to bloom.  I was taking pictures in the yard, and then I saw it. There, nestled among the gray, hope.  Blooming in the middle of the dead leaves and dried branches.

It reminds me of my journey of motherhood these past few years.  The struggles, the tears and emptiness.  Wondering if I’d ever be on the other side of my postpartum depression and anxiety.  It’s been a long, hard struggle.  There have been times of loneliness and fear, hopelessness and frustration.

I’ve been waiting for winter to end.

I’ve been waiting to bloom.

Slowly, quietly, spring is coming.  It’s been a long, hard winter of labor and patience.  But the days are getting longer and warmer.  I see color again.

Today I can say I have hope.  Today I can say I’m shedding the gray pallor of winter.  It’s not to say I don’t have days where I struggle, but I  have days where I don’t struggle either.  I have days where I’m genuinely living and enjoying my life.  I’ve worked really hard for this.  I think I will always work for this, but it is getting easier.  There is always hope.

Spring is here.  In more ways than one.

***************

I know I’ve been so quiet in this space of mine.  After having had the baby I just really needed to rein everything in and take care of myself.  My postpartum anxiety was bad.  Really bad.  I cleared everything off the table and focused on taking care of myself and my family.

It was really good.

I’ve been spending time with friends, rediscovering my hobbies, focusing on nutrition and enjoying time with my family.  I’ve also been seeing my doctor, a therapist and getting more involved with my church.  My faith has carried me through this immensely difficult time.

Truthfully, it was nice to be able to step away from the computer for a bit.  I’d realized I’d become a slave to it’s obligations.  But I couldn’t keep up either, not with a toddler and a newborn and very little sleep.

But I’ve missed my outlet here.  I’ve missed writing and putting my words out there.  I need the healing power of writing and creativity.  And I’m finally in a place where I feel I can do this again.

I want this space to be a resource and a comfort for other moms who are struggling, whether you have PPD or not.  I just want to be a safe place.

So today I just want to share a small piece of hope.

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Comments

  1. This is so beautiful. So hopefully.

    March is here and I can FEEL that spring is coming. I am HOPEFUL that we won’t need to shovel again. And despite today’s 15 degree F temperatures today, I think the sun is shining more.

    It has not been a good winter for me either. I hope that soon I’ll get to the place you are, and right now, I FEEL like spring is coming. It isn’t here yet, but I’m hopeful. xo

  2. Good for you, for taking the time to take care of yourself and your family. In the end all that matters is that you are okay and not how many blog posts you have or have not written. But I’m happy to see you back and look forward to what you have to share.
    Susi recently posted..Super Easy Caprese Salad {Tasty Thursday}

  3. Rachel, good for you for taking this break away from here to take care of you and your family! I’m looking forward to theatrics you have to share now that you are back! :)
    Susi recently posted..Super Easy Caprese Salad {Tasty Thursday}

  4. so good to see you here. Thank you for this bit of sunshine. We all need a little break sometimes, it’s great that you could see that and take time for you.
    Leighann recently posted..Welcome to the Stream Team

  5. You are a gift to everyone, sweet friend. Your words help so many. And your small, everyday actions aren’t small. Love you.
    story3girl recently posted..Fullmindedness. Wait, that’s not right.

  6. I’m glad to know that things are on the up and up, and that you’re back here, writing. xo
    Alison recently posted..Benign Neglect

  7. I’m glad you’ve been taking care of yourself…and can’t wait to see you back! :)
    Natalie recently posted..18 Months and Life Lately

  8. Hugs for you my friends…. You are one of the toughest, bravest people I “know”. Thank you for your honesty and creating a safe place….. I miss you!!

  9. Beautiful. so happy to see you again.
    Barbara recently posted..Embracing…Spring Break

  10. Enjoyed every bit of the blog post.Truly looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  11. Although I’ve just discovered your blog, I’d like to say welcome back to writing. Writing is such a gift, and I love that you share your struggles here. So many women look for this kind of support.
    Lovely post.

  12. Rach, so glad to see this post from you. You’ve been on my mind. So glad you’re blooming again! xoxo
    Jen recently posted..Lack of spousal support