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I know I’ve been really quiet on my blog lately. Whenever I sit down to write, I just stare at the screen and eventually distract myself with email, Pinterest, even housework.
I know there is plenty to write about, but the words just don’t seem to flow. I feel like I can’t convey what’s swirling in my head or heart. It’s frustrating because writing is my outlet.
And lately, it feels forced, sloppy and choppy. I feel like I’m throwing mud against the wall. It’s not pretty, it’s not deliberate. It’s just splatter.
Have I lost my motivation? Am I just in a weird spot right now? Part of it is feeling like my words don’t really matter. I know we all say to just write for yourself, but sometimes, don’t we write publicly for that community, that affirmation that what we say matters? I think if I wanted to write just for myself, I would just write in a diary.
I want to know that what I say matters to someone. And lately, honestly? It feels like it doesn’t. I’ve made some friends through this blog, both people I’ve met and people I have yet to meet. But at the same time, some friends have disappeared. I know it’s ebb and flow, but to admit it doesn’t hurt would be untrue.
I question my writing, my thoughts. I wonder if you want to know that I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time in my daughter’s bathroom as we’ve begun potty training. I wonder if you’re curious about my latest craft endeavor. And I want to share both some wonderful news and some things I’ve been wrestling with, but I seem to hesitate.
Another part of this too is that I can’t seem to squeeze out what I want to say. All these words are jumbled up inside of me and no matter which way I turn the pieces, I can’t quite seem to get them to fit. It doesn’t sound right whenever I try to write.
So I don’t write. I don’t want it to sound forced, I don’t want my writing to be less than my best effort. And I want my words to be heard, understood. Felt.
I’m not sure what I need to get my groove back. More quiet? More practice? More caffeine?
I miss this outlet, this creativity. I think it’s ok to not write if my heart isn’t here right now. But I really hope I find my way back.
Oh you. I hope you find your way back too.
What you say DOES matter to someone. And I am sure, to someones.
I just came back from a bit of a local social engagement conference today. One thing I heard over and over as it pertained to writers was to just KEEP writing. That can be hard when you have kid(s) and are exhausted, but I would encourage you to write, when you can. Open up a draft blog and write, even if you never intend to publish. Or start a Tumblr for your thoughts. You don’t have to share it (yet), but you can still feel like you are letting it out to the world.
You’re loved. And we love hearing about you and your family!
And yes, let’s talk about potty training woes together, shall we?
Laura recently posted..Homesick
I’ve been making myself just write something in the draft posts and not edit until later. It’s so hard to get motivated right now.
But thank you for coming by, for caring about my family and for listening.
I’ve been feeling the same way lately. It’s strange isn’t it? I hope you find your way back.
Robbie recently posted..Behind Closed Doors
It’s strange b/c usually the words flow so easily. Now it’s like trying to dig through concrete. With a spoon.
I know where you’re coming from because I felt this recently too. Word constipation. I just couldn’t put my heart into it. BUT, because I missed writing so much, I made myself just write.
Write something, even if it’s shitty, sounds forced, is about nothing.
Get it out, and eventually, the real words will flow. You may have to write 5 pages of drivel to get that one beautiful line. Take that line, and write again.
And you are loved, and we want to hear your writing voice again.
Alison recently posted..Catching The Sunlight
Word constipation is exactly it! And yes, I feel like everything I write sounds awful! But I guess the point is just to write, write and write some more and then edit later. Thanks for sticking around.
It’s hard to balance. You do need to give life space and take a break from writing sometimes. But. The self doubt is a lie, and it’s keeping the words inside. If you let yourself write even if it’s scary, even if it’s not great, more words will come.
Can you come tell me this too?
story recently posted..One month
Yes, I will come tell you too.
I’m right there with you. I just wrote about this for JBE last week. Same exact issue. Understand completely, Rach. Hug to you.
Missy recently posted..Do You Take Living in the Moment Too Far?
Thanks, Missy. Nice to know I’m not the only one.
Yes, caffeine and housework will get you back here right away!
You’re right…there is an ebb and flow, but there are always friends listening. I hope you find your groove!
Meagan recently posted..Ultimate Weekend Recap
Thank you Meagan! And thanks for supporting me too!
I completely hear you on this one. And it can get pretty frustrating to wonder if you’re just screaming into a void. (But you aren’t.
) It’s just like any other type of writing…just keep pushing through. Or take a nap and THEN come back to keep pushing through!
Keely recently posted..January Date: Ice Skating (And Nary A Trip To The E.R!)
Yes, sometimes it does feel like screaming into a void! I want to ask if anybody’s out there. But I don’t want to stop writing and creating a community here.
I enjoy what you write. Thought today might be a perfect time as any to speak up and say hello
I know exactly what you mean about feeling like your words are splatter. It’s so frustrating. I think the best advice I hear for this is to “show up.” Don’t worry that it isn’t perfect, or that it isn’t the way you wished it looked on the page. Just keep showing up, putting pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), and whatever’s on your mind. I’m finding that writing is a constant unclogging process. And your voice matters.
Thank you SO much for speaking up and saying hello! That means a lot to me. I do plan to keep on writing, I just need to stop worrying about being perfect or profound! And just write freely about what’s on my mind, even if I don’t publish it. Thank you for the encouragement.
Oh that is totally dismayed. Maybe you need some time to refresh and unwind. Relax or go somewhere and think about the things that you want to right. I hope you will get back it too.
Ashleen Moreen recently posted..Entrance Doors to Entice – Entry Doors Will Make The Home
Thank you. Refreshment can’t hurt, can it?
I know exactly what you mean. I have been there too, more than once. Just remember that your voice matters, always. The words will come, I promise.
Kimberly recently posted..Tricky Toddlers
Thanks, Kim. I really appreciate the encouragement from you.
Alison calling it word constipation is perfect. I so know.
And I know what you mean about “friends” coming and going. For me the ones going are more in my real life, and it’s weird. Or just “off” — so then I wonder.
Anyway, I love this post and I think you will write when it is right for you. Sending you huge hugs and hope you find your voice!
Andrea recently posted..Reflections.
Oh I”m sorry about the IRL friends wandering off. That’s hard too. And it does make you wonder and question! Thanks for understanding.
Rach, your voice matters. Your words matter. You will find your voice again.
Thank you, Jenny. I really appreciate the support you’ve lent me other past few months.
I think we all go through this. And yes let’s be honest if we all just loved writing just to write we would write journals and not blogs. The give and take and community is a huge part of it.
When I am in a stump I try and find a fun meme or list of questions to do to keep me going.
Emmy recently posted..It’s Happening Today!
Memes are good. I always forget to look for those! Thanks for the idea.
I have felt and in a way still feel the same and I get distracted too… I always tell myself to just write something, anything! But it just doesn’t seem to want to happen. So, yeah, I hear you. Hope you get your mojo back soon!
Susi recently posted..Picture Perfect Weekly #3 {The South Florida Fair Edition}
Thanks, Susi. I know I should just put anything out there, no matter how un-profound it may be!
I think it’s the winter…and the holidays…it just messes everything up. I definitely has been feeling like this and kind of like what do I have to say or write? I am muddling through I suppose LOL!
Natalie recently posted..A Rant, A Rave, and Other Stuff
I totally am in the same boat. Well, kind of. I can’t write. I can no longer post about most of my life due to current situations. How do you write when your life is off limits? I’m not sure where to go from here.
Oh and I would love to hear about potty training. As I spend most of my time with 3 girls ages 20 months, 13 months and turning 1…. This is my future!
You know what really helps me? Morning Pages. You write three journal pages – free writing – it doesn’t have to be pretty or even good. Once I get those three pages out of my system, I’m usually able to sit down and write (type!) for real. It gets my words moving, without any pressure.
There is a whole book called The Artists Way you can do with exercises and other awesome stuff…but so far I’ve just done the morning pages part of it, and that has been pretty helpful.
As for do we wonder, and do we care? YES! Potty training is hard. It is isolating. But once it is done, you will be a happy mama. And I definitely need to see your crafts, because that is as close to crafts as I get these days. AND I want to hear your wonderful news!! Wonderful news wants to be shared!
I’ll be here when your words come back.
Tracie recently posted..Amy Duncan Taught Me Important Things About Blogging
I think we all hit that brick wall from time to time. A little break to decompress, relax, and have a drink is sometimes all it takes. The lulls will come, but you’ll get your passion back. And, btw, people DO care – the comments on this post should be a clue!
Amanda O. recently posted..Chicagoland Spots: Rockford Art Museum