Finding friends as a SAHM has proved harder than I imagined.
It’s like dating. But not only do your personalities have to click, you have to coordinate nap times as well.
I have had a difficult time finding that right mix. I’ve met people here and there, hung out once or twice. But it never goes beyond that. People get busy, or they already have their groups of mom friends and it’s hard to make room for the new girl. My feelings get hurt.
But then I stop and realize that I don’t exactly make a great effort either. I’m not willing to disrupt our sacred nap times, I have errands to run, dinner to cook. And sometimes I just like being alone.
But a couple of weeks ago I read this post over at (in)courage called Be the One to BE the One. It really resonated with me because I feel like I’m always the one waiting on the sidelines, waiting for someone to pick me.
Waiting for someone else to pick up the phone, send the text or the email. And then I thought, “Well, why can’t I do those things for someone else???” I know how much I appreciate it when someone reaches out to me, so why not reach out to someone else and (hopefully) bring a smile to their face?
So I did. I made a couple of phone calls, sent a couple emails and texts, lining up some play dates and nights out. I offered to watch a friend’s baby last week while she unpacked from a recent move. Maybe these gestures will be reciprocated. Maybe they won’t.
But I’m learning to be ok with that. Being ok with knowing that I did what I felt was right. It might not look like how I want it to look, but I’m learning to manage my expectations.
And I’m hopeful that one of these days it’ll click. I know friendships take a lot of time to develop. The friends I do have took a long time to cultivate–years and years. Adding babies and husbands to the mix means less time to cultivate friends. But not impossible.
So in the meantime, I’m making an effort to be the One. It’s not my personality and truthfully it exhausts me. But I hope it’ll pay off.
Are you usually the one who reaches out? Or do you prefer to be approached? What’s a good balance?
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